Love Languages Every Couple Must Know for a Strong and Lasting Marriage
After two decades of being married to my wife and two decades of sitting across from couples in my counseling office I’ve come to one unshakable conclusion: love is never destroyed by a lack of feelings, but by a lack of understanding.
Most people believe that “falling out of love” means the end. But I’ve seen countless marriages come back to life when couples finally learned to speak the right language of love to each other. You see, love is not a one-size-fits-all. What makes my wife’s heart sing is different from what makes mine dance. And when we don’t know our partner’s unique love language, it’s like both of us are speaking different dialects, shouting louder and louder, yet never hearing each other.
When Dr. Gary Chapman first introduced the concept of the 5 Love Languages, it shook the world. But over the years, through my counseling sessions and personal marriage journey, I’ve discovered that there are actually 10 practical love languages that matter in today’s relationships. These are the ways men and women truly experience love — not just in theory, but in daily reality.
This blog post is my heartfelt attempt to share with you what I’ve learned, lived, and tested for over 20 years. Whether you are newly married, celebrating a silver jubilee, or struggling through storms, these 10 love languages can help you build a relationship that doesn’t just survive but flourishes.
So grab a seat, maybe a cup of tea, and let’s talk heart to heart.
The 10 Love Languages That Strengthen Marriages
Most people are familiar with the first five, but I’ll expand them with practical depth and then introduce five more that I’ve seen heal and transform couples in my sessions.
Here are the 10 Love Languages we’ll explore:
Let’s go through them one by one, with real-life stories and lessons along the way.
Words of Affirmation, The Power of Speaking Life
Early in my marriage, I used to think my wife knew I loved her simply because I worked hard, paid bills, and stayed faithful. But she used to tell me, “Honey, I know you love me, but I want to hear it.”
At first, I brushed it off as unnecessary. But when I started intentionally telling her things like, “I love the way you smile when you’re happy,” or “I’m so proud of how strong you are with the kids,” something changed. Her eyes lit up. She carried herself differently.
That’s when I realized: affirmation is oxygen to the heart.
Some people feel most loved when they are encouraged, appreciated, and spoken to with kindness. For them, criticism cuts deep, and silence feels like rejection. If your partner thrives on affirmations, then words are not just “words” — they are fuel.
To practicalize this, try the below
- Leave a sticky note in your partner’s bag with a sweet compliment.
- Send a mid-day text saying, “I can’t wait to see you tonight.”
- Acknowledge small efforts: “Thank you for making dinner. I really appreciate you.”
- Remember: for some, affirmation is the love language that unlocks their soul.
Quality Time: Love Spelled as T-I-M-E
I remember a couple I once counseled. The husband was a successful businessman, providing everything his family needed financially. But his wife felt deeply lonely. She told me, with tears in her eyes, “I don’t want your money. I just want your time.”
That hit me hard.
Quality time is not just about being in the same house. It’s about giving undivided attention. Putting the phone down. Looking into your partner’s eyes. Sharing laughter. Taking a walk together. Listening — really listening.
In my own marriage, I’ve noticed that the moments my wife remembers the most are not the expensive gifts, but the evenings we sit on the porch talking about our day or the road trips where we sing along to old songs.
Tips to Practice:
- Establish a “no phone” dinner rule a few nights a week.
- Create rituals like Saturday morning walks or bedtime storytelling.
- Don’t just hear, listen. Ask questions, dive deeper, show interest.
When you give quality time, you’re telling your partner: “You are worth my most precious resource — my attention.”
Physical Touch: More Than Just Intimacy
Some couples mistake physical touch for just sexual intimacy. But in reality, this love language goes much deeper. A simple hand on the shoulder, a warm hug after a long day, or holding hands in public can communicate love louder than words.
My wife, for instance, blossoms with touch. When I hug her from behind while she’s cooking or simply hold her hand as we pray together, she feels reassured and cherished.
In counseling sessions, I’ve seen spouses who were frustrated not because there was no love, but because there was no touch. Without it, they felt disconnected.
Tips to Practice:
- Greet each other with a hug every morning before starting the day.
- Watch a movie while holding hands.
- Don’t underestimate the power of a kiss on the forehead — it speaks volumes.
- Touch is love made tangible. For some, without it, words fall flat.
Acts of Service: Love in Action
Let me confess something: I’m not the best at house chores. But one day, after noticing my wife was exhausted, I surprised her by doing the dishes and cleaning up. She hugged me so tightly afterward and whispered, “This means so much to me.”
That day I understood that love is not just in what we say, but in what we do.
For people whose primary love language is acts of service, words are not enough. They feel loved when you take responsibility, lighten their load, or anticipate their needs.
Tips to Practice:
- Cook their favorite meal without being asked.
- Handle that repair they’ve been worrying about.
- Run an errand to save them stress.
Acts of service say: “Your well-being matters to me enough for me to act.”
Receiving Gifts: Symbols of Thoughtfulness
Now, let’s be honest. Some people dismiss this love language as materialistic. But from my experience, it’s not about the cost — it’s about the thought.
One woman I counseled said her husband once brought her a wildflower from the roadside. She kept it pressed in her journal for years because it told her, “He thought of me.”
In my marriage, I once traveled abroad and brought back a little keychain with my wife’s favorite color. She cherished it more than the expensive clothes I also bought.
Tips to Practice:
- Surprise your spouse with their favorite snack after work.
- Celebrate small wins with a token gift.
- Personalize gifts (favorite color, inside jokes, shared memories).
A gift is a tangible reminder of love — something to hold on to when words fade.
Emotional Support: The Silent Hug of the Heart
If you ask my wife the moment she fell even more in love with me, she won’t tell you about our wedding day, or the flowers, or the candlelight dinners. She’ll probably tell you about the night she cried over a difficult season, and I just sat with her, quietly holding her hand until she drifted to sleep.
That’s emotional support. It’s not glamorous, but it’s golden.
Some people don’t need fancy words or gifts; they just need someone who shows up emotionally. Someone who listens without fixing. Someone who says, “I don’t have the answers, but I’m right here.”
Funny enough, in marriage counseling, I’ve seen husbands panic at tears like it’s a nuclear bomb. They either disappear into the TV or pull out a lecture. Brother, let me help you — sometimes she doesn’t want a sermon; she wants a safe space. And wives, sometimes your husband doesn’t need a 10-point analysis — he just wants to feel it’s okay to be vulnerable without being judged.
Tips to Practice:
- When your spouse shares something hard, don’t interrupt with solutions. Listen.
- Use words like, “I’m here for you,” or “That must be really tough.”
- Sometimes silence is support. A warm hug speaks louder than 1000 words.
Love is not only about laughing together — it’s about crying together too.
Shared Growth and Vision: Dreaming Together
One of the fastest ways couples drift apart is when they stop growing together. I’ve seen husbands grow in their careers while wives feel left behind. Or wives evolve spiritually while husbands stay stuck in old habits. Eventually, they become strangers.
But when couples dream together, plan together, and grow together, love feels fresh. My wife and I still set goals every year — not just financial ones, but fun ones too. One year we planned to learn salsa dancing. Let’s just say I stepped on her toes more times than I care to admit, but oh, the laughter!
Humor alert: If your spouse has two left feet, please don’t try salsa unless your insurance is intact.
Tips to Practice:
Create a yearly “vision date” where you talk about goals and dreams.
Read the same book or listen to a podcast together. Discuss it.
Celebrate growth, no matter how small. “You drank water today instead of soda? Baby, you’re glowing already!”
When couples share a vision, it’s like rowing the same boat in the same direction. You move forward, together.
Respect and Admiration: The Unspoken Love Language
If love is the heartbeat of marriage, then respect is the backbone.
Men especially thrive on respect. In fact, I once told a wife in counseling, “If you want your husband to act like a king, treat him like one.” She looked at me and said, “Coach, my husband acts more like a jester.” We laughed, but she got the point.
Likewise, women need admiration too. A wife who feels unappreciated begins to wither. I remember telling my wife one morning, “You look amazing in that dress.” She rolled her eyes like she didn’t believe me, but later that day she wore the same dress again. Coincidence? I think not.
Tips to Practice:
Avoid belittling your spouse, especially in public. Praise in public, correct in private.
Notice effort, not just results. “I saw how hard you worked on that meal, thank you.”
Use titles of honor: “My queen,” “My rock,” “My number one gist partner.”
Respect is like fertilizer to love — it makes everything grow.
Financial Partnership: Love in the Wallet
Let’s be real: money fights are one of the top reasons couples argue. I’ve seen it more times than I can count. He wants to save, she wants to shop. She wants a vacation, he wants a new generator. Next thing, they’re both in my office, and I’m secretly wishing someone would donate me popcorn while they argue.
But here’s the truth: financial harmony is a love language. Couples who plan money together, spend wisely, and agree on priorities experience peace.
In my own marriage, I learned early that financial transparency is sexy. Yes, I said sexy. There’s nothing hotter than a couple saying, “We’re debt-free, baby!”
Tips to Practice:
Have regular “money dates” to discuss budgets without fighting.
Set joint goals (vacations, home projects, investments).
Be honest. No secret accounts, no hidden debts. Marriage is a partnership, not a spy movie.
Remember: when money is handled as a team, it builds trust and love.
Spiritual Connection: Love Beyond the Physical
The last love language I want to share is perhaps the deepest. It’s the spiritual bond. Couples who pray together, worship together, or share a sense of higher purpose often weather storms better than those who don’t.
I’ll never forget a season when my wife and I faced a major crisis. The bills were heavy, and stress was everywhere. But every morning we prayed together, sometimes through tears. And somehow, that connection with God anchored our connection with each other.
Spiritual intimacy doesn’t have to be religious — for some couples, it’s meditation, reflection, or simply aligning on values. The point is: when your souls connect, your hearts follow.
Tips to Practice:
Pray together before bed, even if it’s a short one.
Attend faith-based events or read spiritual books as a couple.
Share gratitude lists — every day, mention one thing you’re thankful for.
Spiritual connection reminds you that love is not just about two people, but about something greater that holds you together.
Conclusion: Speaking Love Fluently
After 20 years of marriage, I can honestly say this: love is not automatic. It’s intentional.
If you wait for feelings alone, they will fade. But when you learn your partner’s love language — and you choose to speak it daily — love doesn’t just survive; it flourishes.
So here’s my challenge to you:
Don’t just read this post and nod.
Pick one love language that speaks most to your partner.
Practice it this week. Not next year, not tomorrow. Today.
Because the truth is, love is like a bank account. You can’t withdraw what you never deposited. And the love languages are the deposits that keep your marriage account full.
And if you still doubt me, take it from my wife. The other day she told me, “Honey, I married you for love, but I’m staying because you finally learned how to fold laundry.”
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